MINE

This Aries Full Moon has me fired up to take action on behalf of my body. Our bodies. TW: miscarriage

Powerpic by Taylor Prinsen. Powerpanties by Fashion Brand Company. Powerclaws from Coco Coquette.

Last night I finally watched REVERSING ROE on Netflix & it overwhelmed me with emotion.

It took me back to the summer of 2013, just after I had miscarried my first pregnancy. I was grieving that loss, filled with anxiety that my body wouldn’t ever be capable of sustaining a baby.

The experience of miscarrying was so traumatic for my nervous system that I came down with shingles along my bra line—a rash so painful I had to wear my husband’s oversized t-shirts and no bra to my ad agency job while attempting to pretend that I wasn’t going through the most physically and emotionally depleting experience of my life so far.

(I just went back and re-read my account of my miscarriage and shingles. I had forgotten so many of the small, awful details.)

A few weeks after that miscarriage, I saw a tweet from then-President Barack Obama: “Something special is happening in Austin tonight. #StandWithWendy” and a link to a livestream from the Texas Capitol.

It was the first time I’d ever paid attention to what was happening under the big pink dome down the street from my house.

Wendy Davis, then a Texas State Senator, was there in her pink running shoes, a catheter bag strapped to her leg underneath her skirt so she could stand for 13 hours with no breaks to filibuster a bill that would dramatically restrict abortion in Texas.

By then I had evolved past the belief I’d been raised with that abortion was the worst thing a person could do. (That belief was a requirement of belonging in the Baptist church I attended 3+ times per week.) But the summer of 2013 was the first time I knew—REALLY knew in my bones, my blood, my skin, my heart, my nerves, and yes my uterus—what pregnancy does to a person.

Pregnancy and miscarriage made me pro-choice in a way that went beyond theory, beyond ambivalence.

Part of the reason I’d never bothered to pay attention to what was going on in the Texas Capitol was my assumption that it couldn’t be anything good.

Seeing Senator Davis standing there, hour after hour, sharing the abortion stories of women from all over Texas knowing full well that it could mark the end of her political career in this blood red state, something shifted in me.

Powerpic by Taylor Prinsen. Powerpanties by Fashion Brand Company. Powerclaws & earrings from Coco Coquette.

Maybe it was possible to make change in Texas.

The “peoples filibuster” killed that bill—pro-choice Texans filling the halls of the Capitol to its *capacity* for the first and only time in the history of Texas.

Let me repeat: never before or since have they had to turn people away from entering the Texas Capitol because it was FULL.

Three weeks later when the legislature met for a special session and the bill was heard again, I was newly pregnant with my oldest daughter and too nauseous to stay and testify. But I dropped off cases of Gatorade for those who were there to speak up against the law that ultimately passed and shuttered many of the abortion clinics in the state.

Nine years later, as my 8- and 6-year-old daughters slept peacefully in their bunk bed upstairs, I sobbed watching REVERSING ROE.

Tears of sorrow for all we’ve lost.

But also tears of wonder at the purpose my life has gained since then.

I was shocked at the number of interviewees in the film I now know and work with.

I consider Wendy Davis a friend, and she’s agreed to come speak at the Texorcism event I’m doing in Austin on October 21. (Honestly this is going to be an incredible event—witchy election rituals, astrology reading for Texas, many heroes of mine speaking. I really hope you grab a ticket.)

Two days later the documentary of her story SHOUTING DOWN MIDNIGHT premieres on MSNBC.

Me in an “Abort Abbott” shirt from Triple Z Threadz with Wendy Davis at an event in support of Rochelle Garza, our incredible candidate for Texas Attorney General.

REVERSING ROE also spent a lot of time with Katherine Kolbert, one of the attorneys who saved Roe in the ‘90s. A few months ago I interviewed her via Zoom for a Democrasexy book club discussion of her book, “Controlling Women: What we must do NOW to save reproductive freedom.” (Watch the replay here.)

State Rep. Donna Howard gives me a big hug any time she sees me.

I share this not to be like “look how cool and important I am” but to demonstrate how absolutely possible it is to go from zero political involvement whatsoever to being a valued voice in your community.

I did not come from a political family. Or a liberal family.

As recently as 2017 I didn’t know who my reps were.

I didn’t grow up in Texas so I never learned in school the wild-ass way things work here—I pieced it together one League of Women Voters forum and TX21 Indivisible meet-up and Annie’s List training and candid conversation at a time. I’m still piecing it together, honestly.

I just decided to stop being afraid of looking dumb and to start asking questions that might be embarrassingly basic.

I committed to keep showing up even after the candidates I love don’t win.

I keep speaking even when my voice shakes.

Lately I listen to my body more closely and offer her more patience as I navigate a new diagnosis of multiple sclerosis.

Because I need her strong in this fight for as long as it takes to free every body.

And because I love her.

Because she is

MINE.

The end.

P.S. If you want to support reproductive freedom for every body, I invite you to sponsor Texorcism. The more I raise from sponsorships, the more I’ll be able to contribute to the four beneficiaries I’ve chosen after I pay all my performers and panelists. We are benefiting The Afiya Center, Avow Texas, the Defend Democracy Fund, and the Texas Abortion Defense Fund. Email becky at democrasexy dot com if you want to become a Justice sponsor or select that option on the Eventbrite.